I moved to Rocky Bay about three weeks ago. I was in a big cage at the SPCA with my sister but I was at my wits end because she didnāt want to play so one day I nipped off a couple of her whiskers to see if that would spur her on. It didnāt. She just refused to talk to me after that. B-O-R-I-N-G.
I was waiting to go somewhere. I didnāt know where. All these people filed past my cage and lots of little ones āohhhedā and āahhhhedā and begged their mothers to take me home. God. What a nightmare. I didnāt want to go anywhere with kids picking me up, pulling my tail and smothering me with hugs all day long. Iām not saying I donāt want hugs, just that I know when I want them, not the other way around, if you know what I mean. I took to hiding at the back of my cage under a blanket when people came. In quiet times, or when I heard a voice I liked, I popped out and put on my best performance, you know, stretching, purring, doing baby soundless miaows, looking adorable, all of that.
One day this woman came along, I could hear her talking to the other kittens as she approached. She took ages to get to me. She was spending a lot of time with another kitten. A girl. A ginger girl! Imagine that! And, to be fair, this other kitten is nowhere near as cute as me, or so I’ve heard kids say. I liked the sound of the womanās voice. Not too high pitched and annoying like the kids, and not shouty either, which can be spooky at times. When she got closer to my cage I had a good sniff. She smelled good, like a big roast beef kind of thing and it reminded me of my trainer. She got to my cage and I decided not to muck around. When she touched the cage I grabbed her fingers, not with my claws out, that would be silly, but a good grip nonetheless. Yep, she was my ticket out of here. She did go āoh and ahā, so I knew I had sucked her in. Then she came around to the back of the cage and picked me up. She was gentle and calm. An old lady type. Perfect. Iād be able to sleep in her lap in my dotage (got to future-proof my existence). I put on my best adorable sweetest performance, purred as loudly as I could muster, and do you know what? She said, āYes, Iāll take him!ā And just like that I was bundled into a carrier box with my blankie and I was outa that jail at last.

This is how I arrived, in the pet carrier behind me. I was a bit freaked the first day, but I soon got used to the routine.Ā
My new home was scary at first. So big! So many rooms! But mostly I stayed in the bathroom for the first week. Sometimes I missed cuddling up to my grumpy sister, but not too much, because itās all go around here. Iāve got a new name, too. Iām not Toby anymore (thatās a bit lame for a kitten donāt you think?), and now I am Humphrey.
H-U-M-P-H-R-E-Y, or, for short Humpf. Never Hump. Get it?
I think it sounds rather important. And thatās exactly what I intend to be around here.

This is my new blanket ā way bigger and softer than my old blue rag.
I love it when my new owner calls me HUMPF HUMPF HUMPF. Oh, itās music to my ears, and I come running fast just in case there are biscuits on offer ⦠Sheās really nice, gives me cuddles, brushes me, I say BRUSHES me. It feels beautiful, really lovely, better than stroking. Iām allowed in every room except the bedroom, which is annoying because there are these lovely curtains there, with a silky sort of stuff in front and I can run in between them, but she gets ANGRY and says NOOOOOOooooooo! So now I am banned from going in there.

I know there is a fly up there … Oh yes, you see that rolled up mat?
She has also told me off for doing a piddle on the big fluffy white mat. I love that mat. Itās made of wool and I can scratch and claw it and bring up all these fluff balls, then just fall asleep where I am once I am tired. Itās so comfy. Sometimes Iāve been a bit lazy and canāt be bothered going to my poo box (thatās what she calls it) and Iāve just dropped it there. I get told off for that but she just picks it up and gets rid of it, but when I did the piddle she went bananas. Now the mat has been washed and had powder sprinkled on it, itās been vacuumed ā thatās a scary thing, the red noise machine, and I canāt ever imagine being friends with it ā and now the mat is in the sun. If I so much look at it I get a big loud NOOOOOOOooooooo!. Mmmm.

Sometimes I help with the washing. I love swinging on the sheets!
Anyway, Iāve gotta go and do you know what, now you mention it, and donāt want to get the big NOOOOOOOooooooo again. Iāll let you know more about life in Rocky Bay later, now that Iām a resident. That sounds quite prestigious doesnāt it? Humphrey of Rocky Bay. Way better than Humphrey, Cage 4, SPCA, Onewa. Iām sure you get my drift.
What a gorgeous introduction, I feel like I have met Humpf already! But can’t wait to meet him in ‘person’ soon, we’ll need to plan a visit.
Thanks Belinda. He’s very entertaining, and of course totally adorable. Meet him you will!